Monday was a library "retreat" where I work. I strongly side with not having retreats. There is no reason to have ice breakers or other "fun" games since we have all been working together for years. I really don't want to play games at work, but maybe that's my Eeyore coming out. Everything we talk about at these retreats could be accomplished in our normal one or two hour monthly staff meeting.
We don't have much of a budget left right now, not until September anyhow when the new fiscal year begins. This means we can't actually retreat anywhere but the library. Bogus.
Yesterday during the retreat I came up with 10 specific thoughts about these events;
1. There are too many food temptations. Breakfast at 9am (second breakfast for me), snacks at lunch time and yesterday ice cream sundaes (I passed on that). Retreat day can be a diet buster.
2. I forgot my work issued IPAD so I couldn't secretly read the newspaper during the meeting.
3. My stomach gets in knots worried about what new assignment I'm going to get that I don't really want to do.
4. Co-workers and administrators always talk and worry about things going on throughout the college that we have no control over and really don't concern us.
5. I have the George Costanza philosophy, say one good comment early in the day, then the pressure is off.
6. I kept day dreaming about the poor early morning run I had and wondering if tomorrow would be any better.
7. How many more of these do I have to attend before retiring? Four at the most? If I go to one my last year here I'm bringing a shot glass and bottle of Bourbon. Jan can pick me up when the retreat is over.
8. The boss gave a spiel then looked directly at me and asked in front of everyone what I thought about what we should do to improve certain aspects of the library (specifically getting more people, more awareness, more, more, more). He's a nice guy but that wasn't the question to ask after his doom and gloom speech. I went on an unusual for me defensive tirade shedding the Eeyore skin from my body and spoke about all the positive things we had been doing for two years (and much more). I'm not sure my speech was embraced by all.
9. I began thinking about my next workout during our afternoon games. Really, more games?
10. On the positive side we did get out of work early.
The Erie Canal, Running Paradise
2 comments:
As a fellow list lover I thought I would share my methods of surviving our team building activities which sound very similar to the retreat you attended.
1. I share your thoughts about review and critiquing the morning workout. This way it gives the appearance that you are deep in thought even though you are just calculating your pace and wondering why you can’t run that well during a race.
2. I like to count the speaker’s pauses, umms, what nots, and my favorite “do you know what I’m saying?”. Yes I do. Your English is marginal but I do understand.
3. Observe life’s little comedic occurrences. Does he know he tucked his shirt inside his exposed underpants? How does he have a big chunk of spinach in his teeth this early in the morning?
4. Skip the bad food. People think you are a healthy eating mean machine athlete. They don’t have to know that while preparing dinner you have 3 cocktails and 54 Oreos.
5. Look around the room. Check out the other attendees and make a list of things not to do. No comb overs. No pants pulled up to your Adams Apple. Make sure your socks match or are at least close.
6. Stare at the guy who has fallen asleep. This gets the presenter mad at that person and you look better in comparison.
7. Team meetings are a good time to perform physical feats of strength and endurance. How long can you hold your breath? How long can you go without blinking. Work your abs and other muscles that can be flexed unnoticed.
8. This is prime planning time. What can I make for dinner? Maybe we should go out. My significant other would like that. I should paint the bedroom.
9. Work on your acknowledging skills. This is a marital mandatory. Try nodding in agreement every 30 seconds and then move to the advanced skill of alternating a nod with a hmmm like you are really thinking about what is said. Be careful to not agree when the presenter jokes that she needs to lose some weight or he talks about his bad memory.
10. Finally, to rally during the last few hours, calculate on paper (this looks like you are taking notes!!) how many minutes you have left to work until you retire or what if you got a dollar for every “what not”.
Great list! I'm definitely using number 7.
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